“Not everything is material, but everything is a joke.”
Anshita Koul
Last week, I attended a comedy storytelling show called “Where Is Your Husband?” by Anshita Koul, performed at the Fringe Festival. When Anshita walked on stage and began to speak, I felt that strange intimacy that happens when you meet someone who is open to being authentic, to being silly and funny. As someone living with CPTSD, I recognized her rhythm: the way her laughter became a form of resistance, one that doesn’t hide pain but coexists with it.
After the show, I spoke with Anshita about how comedy can become a form of therapy, what it means to share your scars publicly, and how she keeps transforming pain into laughter.
To start, how would you introduce yourself? Who is Anshita Koul? How did you begin your comedy career?
Anshita: Anshita Koul is a polyglot comedian from India. She is a software engineer turned hardware comedian. She is Queer, Childfree by choice and an international standup comedian by profession, hence she is a poster child for everything Heternormative patriarchy hates but don’t worry, she hates it back way more!! She started her comedy career with sketch comedy in Kashmiri on youtube followed by a contestant on the Indian Reality show Queens of Comedy followed by Independent Standup Comedian touring internationally.
Your show has been performed across different countries. How has “Where Is Your Husband?” evolved throughout the tour? Do you adapt it depending on the audience or the energy of the room?
Anshita: The show has evolved from a 90 minutes rant session in Dec 2023 to a tight 1 hour 16 minutes of comedy storytelling with 3 acts structure blending comedy and storytelling like providential lovers! I change the length of the show depending on how much time I have at the venue. The story part is 47-50 minutes long so that stays the same. The remaining 20 minutes include opening jokes, local jokes about the city I am performing in and the energy of the room of course, but they are still jokes connected with the story, that I can tweak depending on the city.
What was the funniest or weirdest situation that happened during this tour?
Anshita: An audience member fell off their chair while laughing because I am so funny! hahaha It’s a core memory! And for the first time since I started touring and making jokes about being a gold medalist in the show, I met another gold medalist from Thessaloniki. This has never happened before! Her mother was also in the audience and she asked me the most interesting questions about my craft as a comedian that I have ever been asked by an audience member! It was euphoric!
What were the biggest challenges or surprises you faced while creating or performing this project?
Anshita: It is a true story I share on stage. Even though I am speaking from a place of scar and not the wound, I am still in the story. I am still the protagonist processing ambiguous loss and trust issues. So I have to be mindful and aware of what can trigger my C-PTSD on the road. I have a beautiful support system of friends I can reach out to and on this trip, my friend accompanied me and took such good care of me, it was beautiful and so healthy. And on some other shows, I had comedy friends help me out. But usually I am by myself and it can get lonely on the road, especially while touring with this show. That’s the most challenging and IBS of course! I have serious abandonment issues but I am UNLEARNING to abandon myself first and be there for myself. It was surprising to see that I am capable of centering myself and taking the help I SO NEED.
At the beginning of your show, you said that comedy works as a kind of therapy for you. Could you expand on that idea a bit?
Anshita: Well, comedy is the cheapest therapy available. It may or may not be good but laughing genuinely can help with dopamine shift in your brain. Having said that, as a professional comedian, my opinion is that it is neither sustainable for the comedian to keep using the stage for psychological relief and nor it is fair to trauma dump on the audience to get temporary relief from the laughter if you are going to talk about personal, vulnerable subjects. So, comedy allows me to use my voice (I am the loudest in the room) to talk about subjects that matter to me and share my opinions, jokes and stories but I respect the art form too much now to abuse it. I am not perfect. I have done very well at the shows an hour after having a mental breakdown but I balance it out by talking about the breakdown. It makes me feel less shitty on low mental health days and I think the live comedy audience really has evolved to appreciate vulnerability more than “I don’t give a fuck” attitude by comedians.
How do you find balance between humor and serious, often painful topics?
Anshita: I heard it at a storytelling event (don’t remember who it was) – “Always speak from the scar and not the wound!” And it has stayed with me since then. If I am still feeling unbearable pain from the painful topics, I don’t talk about it. That’s the simplest and the wisest way to balance it out because I believe and this is my personal quote – “NOT EVERYTHING IS MATERIAL, BUT EVERYTHING IS A JOKE!’ 😀
How does the audience usually react? Have you had any surprising or even confrontational reactions?
Anshita: I feel very lucky to have had audiences so far, majority of whom have reacted exactly how I anticipated and exactly how I lived this story – Crying, Laughing, Quiet Empathy, repeat! I wrote it, structured it and workshopped it like this so it feels like a reward to see someone laughing and tearing up in the same breath!
How do you personally deal with anxiety on stage? Do you ever experience it, and if so, how do you manage it?
Anshita: Humble flex – I don’t have stage fright or performance anxiety but it does not come from arrogance, it comes from the fact that I have always been a class clown, the fat child, the ‘tom-boy’ ( hate that term tbh) so I feel weirdly comfortable in my body as performer. Off stage, I have had struggles with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, anti fat bias but after years of unlearning, I have reached body neutrality and the timing of that is beautiful. What I experience is this frustration sometimes that is on low mental health days, I perform with dissociation and not really present because of CPTSD!! I am working on it.
Is it possible to watch your earlier show “Little Too Much” somewhere?
Anshita: It is not available online. But I am planning to retire that show at the beginning of next year in the form of small reels on my instagram and then maybe the whole hour on my youtube but behind a paywall.
Who are the comedians or artists that inspire you the most?
Anshita: Urooj Ashfaq (the director of this show, my dearest comedy friend and co-contestant from the Queens of comedy show), Hannah Gadsby, Alok Menon, Tig Notaro, Mike Birbiglia, Sammy Obeid on top of my head.
What advice would you give to aspiring comedians?
Anshita:
- Don’t quit your day jobs until you have 2 tight hours and 3 loose hours!
- In order to do comedy, you gotta live your life during the day!
- Never act on your first thought.
- Every punch down joke can be turned into a punch up joke if you spend 10 more minutes on your ass. Sit down!
What are your future plans? Are there any new shows or projects in the making?
Anshita: Well this is a new project and it will take up at most 2 more years of my life. I still have 10 more shows in the EU and 6 shows in India until January next year. Then I want to take a little break. And then I am hoping for the show to go to more festivals, cities and countries!
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Hearing this, I feel grateful that I got an opportunity to be a part of her tour and take this interview with her! Watching “Where Is Your Husband?” felt like being invited into someone’s inner world and it meant a lot to me.
Look up the next shows of her tour, and if you can’t make it yourself, spread the word to your friends! It’s so worth seeing.
Tania
